UnleaSHEd is shooting a video next week. I’ve played around with video and even shot some super silly videos where I tried out Pinterest recipes and posted them on the YouTube. But this video…this is serious business!
It’ll be a video that convinces people to sign up for a new product. It’ll help people understand how to best utilize the services I’ll provide, and how to make some serious money. That part is awesome. I’m working on the storyboard (a fancy videographer term) and getting the location just right.
So, what’s keeping me up tonight?
WHAT DO I WEAR????
I’m a plus sized gal. Always have been, always will be. I am fine with that most of the time. I rarely get nervous about my weight or about my size anymore. I am so over it. Or so I thought.
I’m a wreck! Here is my inner dialogue:
“EVERYONE WILL KNOW I’M FAT!
“No sh*t, Sherlock. You are fat.”
“But no, seriously. They will know. They might judge. They might think I’m a fraud because I’m fat. How can I know what I’m talking about if I’m fat?”
Holy cow, where did that come from? Now, before all the health coaches out there see a prime target and hit me up….I’m fine.
I am not unhealthy. Wait, whaaat??? But you’re fat!
I know. But I’m a healthy fat. Kinda like butter. It used to be margarine was a good fat, but now it’s a BAD fat. Butter is the good fat. Or Olive Oil. Yeah, I’m like Olive Oil. I’ve been overweight since I was a kid and I’ve been down many, many roads to lose weight. I’ve even taken some extreme measures. My Doctor and I agree—this is my body. The more I fight it, the more it slows down and comes to a crawling halt of a metabolism. All of my labs are great. I don’t have high blood pressure, cholesterol, or any precursors for diabetes…You know all the stuff I should have?
So, with some therapy and a lot of meditation, I’ve decided to focus my energy on other things. Sorry this isn’t a magical, “I started focusing on other things and then the weight just melted off of me” post. Oh, no. This is an “I stopped focusing on it and I still weigh the same but now my mental health is so much better because I’m not punishing myself” post. Sorry to disappoint. I usually love those posts, too.
So, back to what I’m going to wear.
A quick Google search of “Plus Size Clothes for TV” revealed a hundred photos of Melissa McCarthy…wearing a whole bunch of stuff. No rhyme or reason. No clear answer. Shit. But she looks pretty. And happy. And, well…herself. So, what’s a girl to do?
I think I’ll take her lead and wear what I feel great in. I think I’ll go by a nice “top” or “blouse” as the old timers call it and a new necklace. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll stop worrying about it and I’ll feel awesome and THAT will come through.
It’s funny what we use as armor against our inner voices. Even though I’ve “been through what I’ve been through” with my weight, the voices still creep in once and awhile. Even though I’m married to an amazing guy who loves me as I am…and even though I have a very successful business…those voices still creep in. Even though 95% of the time I don’t give a shit, there still is 5% of me that does.
That is afraid to be judged.
To be the last kid picked.
To be laughed at for trying.
Well, SCREW THAT.
I’m done with that. Seriously. I mean…OPRAH. REBEL. MELISSA FREAKIN’ MCCARTHY.
Boom. Keyboard drop (you know, like a microphone drop?).
Yeah. Take that, inner negative Nancy voices. Melissa McCarthy and me…we totally got this.
P.S. Let me know what you think of my new shirt.
(Photo of the Fab Melissa McCarthy from Reuters. Or www.dailymail.co.uk. Not sure)